Looking into buying a Warthog?

       Warthogs may be fun, cuddly, and loveable, but are you ready to accept the responsibility? This page talks about the good things -- and the not so good things -- about owning a Warthog. Are YOU Toon enough?

       First, you need some background information about Warthogs. Warthogs are very soft, and they are known to rampage throughout the streets if not trained properly. Warthogs can be taught many great things, believe it or not. You can teach them to rampage at command. It is not unheard of to try and get your Warthog to fly. There are many elaborate ways, as stated in the next paragraph.

       There are many ways to try to get a Warthog to fly.

--- Be like a Mamma bird. Push it off the roof. This most often does not work well, since Warthogs are not known to fly. SPLAT!

--- Try Selective Breeding. If a particular Warthog has special traits fit for flying, such as protruding shoulder blades or a light build, breed it with another similar warthog. Eventually, maybe, probably not, yeah it's not gonna happen, a warthog can fly, if not your original one.

--- Use fairy dust. This works every time, unless your Warthog is particularly fat. I have Peter Pan's number: (Or is it Santa claus...? I get the two mixed up.) Call: (404) - 222 - 2222. He's kinda grumpy, cuz he's not very young anymore. Even immortals get fat.

--- Grab a Dandelion and blow out all of the spore thingies in one breath. Next, wish that your Warthog could fly.

       If none of those work, your Warthog probably doesn't have the ability to fly.

       Are you responsible enough for a Warthog? You must deal with everyday things, just ask yourself:

1. Will I take good care of the Warthog?

2. What would I do if it left mud stains on the ceiling?

3. Will I love it no matter what?

4. If it is a rebel when it is a Teenager, will I still love it?

5. If it comes home with a pierced ear, what would I do?

6. What if it marries a female Warthog?

7. What will I do if that female Warthog has her ears pierced?

8. What's a Warthog?

9. What am I doing sitting here reading this stupid guide, anyway?

       If you answered, "I would strangle it" to any of those questions, Warthogs may not be right for you.


 

***NOTE: If you experience Explosive diarrhea, vomiting, morning sickness, any sign of pregnancy, long walks on the beach, burping, mucus, brain farts, any other body excretions, fun things, schizofrenia, ADD, OCD, poop, evil bunnies, singing in the rain, or even death, see your doctor because Warthogs may not be right for you.

       I hope this was what you were looking for! Thanks for reading!

 

This is my beautiful Warthog, Fluffy.